Since the end of spring semester, I have been struggling with my faith. All-the-while, I have kept up with the things that I 'should' do, but nonetheless, am still in this dry spell.
I did a 90-day Bible reading challenge, which I just finished up 2 weeks ago. It was awesome to read through it in such a short period of time because it made the Bible seem like more of a story. I understood it better because I wasn't just reading a chapter or two a day, but, as cool as that was, I didn't grow spiritually from it.
This semester I am an intern at the Christian Campus House [CCH], but I feel like I have nothing really to offer. I am also involved in a Bible study, because it's expected of me as an intern...but I feel like I'm fake when I'm there. I still go to church on Sundays and am at worship on Wednesday nights at CCH, but it's very much about me just going through the motions and doing what I need to do.
I know part of this, if not all of it, has stemmed from my situation with the ex. I have prayed for so long to just move on, to get over him, to stop hurting and to have peace, but I don't feel like much has changed. Sometimes I feel like shouting and waving my arms, telling Him that I'm still here, that I'm still filled with this pain, but He already knows that. It's not that I have lost faith in God, I guess I have just lost hope that I will be delivered from this situation anytime soon.
The devotion tonight said to write a prayer to God asking Him to either send you someone to encourage you that He hears your prayers or to send you to encourage someone that needs it.
I prayed for both.
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The pain is insufferable. I pray daily for my wife to come back to me. I pray that she will "wake up" and realize that I am a good man and that I love her with all my heart. I haven't lost faith, and I know we are not supposed to question, but why do the good ones suffer so much?
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ReplyDeleteNot only does God hear your prayers, but I think the issue is that you're leaving this situation [& possibly others] ENTiRELY up to God & prayer. Therefore, when something as difficult as this relationships doesn't seem to pass, you feel let down. God gave you your individual strength & intelligence to also say to yourself, "in time, I WiLL get over him & move on...I will NOT allow this to hurt me anymore...my ex can no longer control my thoughts & feelings...I can find PEACE within MYSELF, my friends, my family, & school." ... I KNOW YOU CAN! :D
ReplyDeleteAlso, it's that time in your life when it's natural to question your faith, church, & its role in your life...you are no longer under your parents' roof doing the routine Sunday & Wednesday activities...you are growing into your own person, discovering your passions & seeing things for yourself, rather than how your family do...that's OKAY. I have known many Catholics who kind of rebel when they move out because it's such a structured, "old" traditional denomination that has been shoved down their throats for 18 years & they're sick of it...tired of being told what to believe...
If you need to, take a break from it - you can stick to the devotions if you enjoy them, OR try a different church...I promise God will still LOVE you. ;)
MISS YOU...take care!