A Glimpse Into the Future

This is for you, my one and only blog follower : )

I decided to take part in the game you tagged me in, but with my own spin on it...

Instead of looking back at where I have been, I am going to look forward to where I am going (mainly becuase my 5x5x5 and 6x6x6 picture was of a forbidden topic).


This is a beautiful picture of Tortuga, an island off of Haiti that I will be visiting in a little under two weeks! We get to swim in waterfalls, which will be amazing!

Although I am extremely excited about going on this mission trip to Haiti, I am also nervous about what I am going to see and experience. I am such a softy when it comes to other people, so I know that this trip will absolutely break my heart. I have been told time and time again that nothing can prepare me for what I am going to see...

On Thursday morning, I woke up and went running outside in the beautiful weather. As I was on my way back, it started pouring rain, which made me incredibly happy. I was running outside in February at 7:00 a.m. in 50 degree weather with rain pouring down on me...I loved it!

God has been so amazing with the weather this year and we have had some gorgeous days (in Central Missouri anyway!) The days are getting much longer, the birds are chirping, and we spring forward next weekend. I cannot wait!

I'm Giving Up...

In honor of Lent, I have decided to give up Facebook! I changed my settings to where my email messages are sent to an account I don't ever check, and I am actually really looking forward to it.

I have also decided to give up talking about my ex, which should be pretty interesting....which means my posts will now be about everything BUT him. I think this will be a great opportunity for me to keep moving forward...at least I hope so. It's one thing for me to think about him in my head, but to put those thoughts into words (spoken or written) makes those thoughts so much more powerful. It is definitely not going to be easy though, because ever since I have decided to give up talking about him, I have had some interesting events to be sure.

Point 1: At worship last week, the topic was relationships. Of course, we read 1 Corinthians 13:4-9...
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

I have heard and read these verses a thousand times before, but for some reason, the words really resonated with me that night, and have stuck with me for a week now. "Love is patient..." "it keeps no records of wrongs..." Love "always hopes, always perseveres."

I have been patient for much longer than I would like to be...

I have never lost hope, even though I have tried with all my MIND to do so...

Perservance? Check! It doesn't matter how many times he has hurt me, or how much time has passed, I still love him, even though I have tried everything in my power (through God) to stop loving him. I guess my heart is still trying to play catch-up with my head...I wish it would hurry up!

Point 2: My aunt asks me every-so-often if I have heard from the ex because both her and my uncle are really rooting for him to come through. I have so many people telling me "he'll come around," "he's young," "he's just sowing his wild oats," yada, yada, yada. I've heard it all, to the point where I don't want to hear it anymore. I just want to be able to go somewhere or see someone without being asked about him! So anyway, she called me tonight to talk to me about him, and (the non-existent) "us." It was a difficult conversation for me, and I cried for the 1st time in awhile.

Point 3: I know that in order to have a solid argument, you should always have 3 strong points, but frankly, I am 45 minutes away from not talking about him for 40 days, and so I don't want to continue, lol : )

I have really been struggling with what all of this means. Is this the devil planting seeds of hope back into my head, or is it a sign from God? I am certainly not trying to hold on, by any means, but after 7 months, I still can't see myself, or him, being with anybody else.

Who knows...I'm hoping this season of Lent will offer some clarity in my life!



I am looking forward to the many posts to come on all other aspects of my life!

Wish me luck ; )

I Will Survive

I have a new mission:

Survive Valentine's Day

I'm Working On It

Last weekend I finally did it...again. I sent him a long letter explaining to him why I can't be friends with him right now, and asking him very nicely to please stop calling me (again). I told him that if he ever needed anything, I would be there for him, but I can't continue to talk to him on a weekly basis like we're best friends.

In my letter I said,
"I know you have been over me for a long time now, and so you may not understand why this is so hard for me or why I feel like I can’t talk to you for awhile, but I feel like I deserve the chance to get over you."

And so, I haven't heard from him this week and don't anticipate hearing from him for a quite some time. For awhile, I considered waiting until after Valentine's Day to send him the message, but then I decided I don't want to hear from him on V-Day, and besides, I'm tired of being stuck in this rut and I'm ready to move on. I also can't help but wonder what will happen on my birthday (April 1), but I'm hoping by that time, it won't even matter whether or not I hear from him.

And so I'm working on it...

It's nice to not have to worry/wonder whether or not he is going to call me today, or try to figure out why he does call me. It is nice to not have to spend my time trying to decode his mixed signals and messages, such as "What, you're not coming home this summer? Why not? Who am I going to hang out with?"

I don't know who you're going to hang out with, but it's not going to be me!

In other news:
The gorgeous guy that I am supposed to go on a blind date with has yet to call me after 4 weeks of having my number. Although, he did add me on facebook a week ago, which I guess is a huge step/good sign : )

We'll see what happens....it would be nice to be able to report on something other than the ex next time!

Oh, and the weather is gorgeous, which helps lift up my spirits!