Love Hurts

I had a conversation with my ex a week and a half ago, which ended in him telling me to get out of his car and never talk to him again...and then he sped off.

I made it clear to him that I cared about him and that if he ever needed to talk, to call me and I would be there for him. His reply: "Don't count on it."

He had a rough Christmas break, and I can honestly say that Satan was/is attacking him. Everything that he did and said was completely out of character for him, which is why I decided to have the conversation with him that ended in, "Never talk to me again."

But, at 1:20 a.m. this morning, I get a phone call from him. I, of course, answer and for the first 30 minutes of the conversation am scared and am literally shaking in my bed. He just wanted to call and chat, and set some of the rumors straight about his un-Christian-like behavior over break. We honestly had a good conversation, except for when we would begin to talk about us. We obviously don't see eye to eye on this, because I still love him, and well, he probably couldn't care any less about me.

Towards the end of our talk, he mentioned, "I just don't think we're meant to be together." Wow! He might as well have inserted a knife into my heart...It does not matter how many times he says that, it still hurts just as bad the 100th time as it did the 1st.

I honestly cannot stop loving him, no matter how hard I try. It has been over 5 months since we broke up the first time and yet I can't help but hope for us to get back together sometime in the future. It doesn't matter what he does or says to me, no matter how bad it hurts, I still love him. Sometimes this makes me think about God and how much pain He must feel for each of His children that never know Him, that turn from Him, or that sin against Him.

To love someone that does not love you back is THE worst feeling I have ever felt. And for some reason, I am stuck here...