It's Been How Long?

I've been in a funk for the last several weeks and I am more than ready to get out of it, but not quite sure how.

I took the 1 year 'anniversary' of the breakup way harder than I ever would have imagined. I guess I thought that I would be much further along by this point. Not to say that I'm in the same place as I was a year ago, it's just that I imagined myself being over him by now. I think a year sounds so pathetic to say that I do still love him...especially after the way I have been treated since the breakup.

I know I am not holding onto him in any way. I don't talk to him, I don't ask others about him, and I don't ever even look at his facebook. I'm not sitting at home waiting for him to call me or change his mind about being together. And, most importantly, I have prayed since day 1 that God would give me healing, peace, and help me to move on! In fact, I am so insanely busy that I hardly have a moment to myself (which is why my posts have been nonexistent).

I have come to the conclusion that there is a reason for my pathetic inability to get over him. Whether that means we are going to end up together sometime down the road or that God is just keeping me from dating someone that would be harmful to me, there has to be a reason.

How Could You Be So Heartless?

How can I still be so in love with a guy that has become an absolute jerk?

It has now been a year and 1 week since the ex broke up with me and yet I still love him.

I called him to see if I could stop by his house tonight to talk to him because for the last month he will not even look at me let alone talk to me and it literally happened at the snap of a finger. He wouldn't even give me the time of day, when all I asked for was 10 minutes of his time.

The phone conversation ended in him telling me that I needed to move on from us....

I wanted to slap him across the phone, first of all for being so heartless, but second of all, does he really think I haven't tried? You know what ex, that's a great idea! If only you could teach me to be as heartless as you I could.

I got a text from him as soon as we got off the phone. It said, "That took longer than 10 minutes"

So Much to Say!

I have been out of town and haven't had access to the internet for awhile, which means I have so much I need to say! Unfortunately, I don't have time to give the full update, so I thought I would just give a quick post to let you know I'm still alive : )

Last Friday night I went on a date with C. I had to work at a fundraiser until 9 so afterwards we went and got ice cream, where we played a life size game of checkers (stalemate the first game, I won the second), and then we went driving around for awhile and finally ended up at a golf course, where we went and looked at the stars. It was a good date, we get along well, have a lot in common and have fun together.

But...

I have discovered that dating is just not appealing to me whatsoever right now. It has nothing to do with C, I'm just not ready. I feel like my ex still has so much of me and I'm not ready to let another person in or risk getting hurt again.

I'm not sure how I'm going to tell C this, because he really is a great guy and I don't want to be the one to cause another person pain, but I simply cannot do the whole dating thing right now.

More updates to come...