Learning the Hard Way

How do you make your heart listen to your head?

I'm not sure why I still care, but I do. I know that he has changed, but I still care. I know we are in different places and we want different things, but I still care.

It helps to have friends that send me daily words of encouragement. My favorite came from a male friend saying, "Dammit, you deserve so much more!"

To update on what I learned last week while I was home:

I was out of town for 3 1/2 days and didn't hear once from the ex, but as soon as I got back into town, I got a text from him asking me to come down later to get the songs he had promised me. I finally got a text from him around 10 p.m. telling me I could come down around 11...meanwhile, I had passed up an opportunity to hang out with another male friend while waiting to hear back from the ex. At this point, I was a little put off, but I went down there anyway. As soon as he gave me the songs, he started hitting on me and after about an hour of fighting him off, I had finally had enough. I realized then that he is just using me and he's willing to say or do whatever to get what he wants. The night ended in him telling me that we can't be friends if I'm not open to having a physical relationship, and so I left.

The next night, I watched a movie with another guy that I have been friends with forever. He has always had somewhat of a crush on me, but he doesn't have the best reputation, so I would never consider dating him. He wanted to go golfing and watch a movie, so I decided it wouldn't hurt anything. Unfortunately, the golf thing didn't work out, so I ended up going over to his house to watch a movie that night. I was expecting him to try to get physical with me, but much to my surprise, he actually respected me way more than the ex! We really did just watch the movie, although we did end up talking through most of it. We very innocently cuddled/held hands and it was great! Once the movie was over, he walked me out to my car, gave me a hug and told me goodnight. I did get a text from him after I left saying that he really wanted to kiss me, but he 'figured he could wait until tomorrow.' I was supposed to go over the next night to watch a movie, but I never heard from him. Even though it kind of hurt my feelings that I didn't hear from him, it was good to have that experience just to remind me of what it's like to be respected.

I definitely needed that!