I'm Giving Up...

In honor of Lent, I have decided to give up Facebook! I changed my settings to where my email messages are sent to an account I don't ever check, and I am actually really looking forward to it.

I have also decided to give up talking about my ex, which should be pretty interesting....which means my posts will now be about everything BUT him. I think this will be a great opportunity for me to keep moving forward...at least I hope so. It's one thing for me to think about him in my head, but to put those thoughts into words (spoken or written) makes those thoughts so much more powerful. It is definitely not going to be easy though, because ever since I have decided to give up talking about him, I have had some interesting events to be sure.

Point 1: At worship last week, the topic was relationships. Of course, we read 1 Corinthians 13:4-9...
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

I have heard and read these verses a thousand times before, but for some reason, the words really resonated with me that night, and have stuck with me for a week now. "Love is patient..." "it keeps no records of wrongs..." Love "always hopes, always perseveres."

I have been patient for much longer than I would like to be...

I have never lost hope, even though I have tried with all my MIND to do so...

Perservance? Check! It doesn't matter how many times he has hurt me, or how much time has passed, I still love him, even though I have tried everything in my power (through God) to stop loving him. I guess my heart is still trying to play catch-up with my head...I wish it would hurry up!

Point 2: My aunt asks me every-so-often if I have heard from the ex because both her and my uncle are really rooting for him to come through. I have so many people telling me "he'll come around," "he's young," "he's just sowing his wild oats," yada, yada, yada. I've heard it all, to the point where I don't want to hear it anymore. I just want to be able to go somewhere or see someone without being asked about him! So anyway, she called me tonight to talk to me about him, and (the non-existent) "us." It was a difficult conversation for me, and I cried for the 1st time in awhile.

Point 3: I know that in order to have a solid argument, you should always have 3 strong points, but frankly, I am 45 minutes away from not talking about him for 40 days, and so I don't want to continue, lol : )

I have really been struggling with what all of this means. Is this the devil planting seeds of hope back into my head, or is it a sign from God? I am certainly not trying to hold on, by any means, but after 7 months, I still can't see myself, or him, being with anybody else.

Who knows...I'm hoping this season of Lent will offer some clarity in my life!



I am looking forward to the many posts to come on all other aspects of my life!

Wish me luck ; )